


all your light

by fundips



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Eventual Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mutual Pining, and killua is a pretty skeptical dude with a messed up family, in which gon is a fight club kid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-01-16 22:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12351432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fundips/pseuds/fundips
Summary: Gon Freecs is a teenager with the ability to measure how "dangerous" someone is on a scale of one to ten just by looking at them. A normal child would be a one while a trained man with an assault rifle might be a seven. One day he notices the unassuming new kid at school who measures a perfect ten.





	1. perfect ten

By the time Gon was finished with the fight club meet-ups, the night sky was starless with late winter fog. He only lived about five blocks away and he always chose to walk since the cool air did wonders to his mood after practice. It was refreshing after sparring so much that night.

Gon was a freshman in high school and although he was a highly valued fight club member, he was often underestimated because of his age. He enjoyed a challenge and although Aunt Mito didn’t appreciate the scrapes and bruises from his rounds, he kept himself occupied by only going up against other members who had a danger level that was as thrilling as possible.

He had a certain… intuition, he thought. It was an ability to measure how “dangerous” someone was on a scale of one to ten just by looking at them. Normal peers in his classes would be a one or a two while members of the fight club usually only reached a four or five at the most. The highest number he’d seen was an eight and that was usually held upon various headshots of criminals in the news. The numbers would always float above that person no matter the circumstance. He often used this ability to focus his energy fighting others who he deemed more challenging so he would get stronger.

It was a truly helpful ability. The only other person who knew about it was Kurapika, a senior in the fight club who usually looked out for Gon to make sure he didn’t fight someone far too out of his league. At that thought, Gon pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket and decided to message the boy. Although he rarely answered his phone, he was at least timely with instant messaging.

 

 **_Gon:_ ** _what are you up to?_

 

A few moments passed before he was pinged a response.

 

 ** _Kurapika:_ ** _Planning out matches for next week. I’m not letting you go against any more seniors._

 **_Gon:_ ** _:c why?_

 **_Kurapika:_ ** _You could have screwed yourself up today against that one guy. You need to relax for a while._

 

Gon huffed at that, typing back a reply quickly.

 

 ** _Gon:_ ** _i was fine_

 **_Kurapika:_ ** _No you weren’t. You refused to give up and if I hadn’t intervened then he probably would have broken your arm just to teach you a lesson._

 **_Gon:_ ** _but i had fun right? that’s the point of being in a club._

 **_Kurapika:_ ** _Not if it’s a danger to your—_

 

Before Gon could read the rest of the message, he knocked into something with great force and tripped backwards. He made a feeble attempt to turn in mid-fall but the sidewalk met his side with a painful blow, his head reeling as it smacked against the concrete. There was a sudden throbbing behind his eyes and he saw stars.

Then there was a voice to his right. No, it was a groan, quiet and reserved.

He’d hit _someone_ , not something.

Gon lifted himself off the ground when his vision stabilized somewhat, standing on unstable legs. There was a boy collapsed on the sidewalk and he’d caught sight of a skateboard slowly rolling away from him.

But Gon hadn’t tried to catch it. Instead his breath hitched as he laid eyes upon the blaring number ten, red and prominent right above the boy’s head.

_That’s impossible._

Clearly it wasn’t since he was _right there_ and Gon’s ability never lied.

Snow-colored hair fell down across the boy’s forehead, sticking up in every direction, disheveled and frazzled from the cold. Narrow, disoriented electric blue eyes fixed on Gon like he was a threat. His cheeks were flushed but it was hard to tell if it was from the cold or the fall.

Gon’s heart was pounding—out of fear or curiosity, he wasn’t sure. He’d forgotten how to tell the difference between the two emotions months ago. The number ten still hadn’t changed and it remained a bright red that contrasted the darkness of the night.

It was no mistake.

“What the hell are you looking at me like that for?” the boy spat at him, pulling himself off the ground. His legs trembled and he almost stumbled while standing up. Gon quickly caught him by his forearms but the boy recoiled like his touch was made of fire, eyes dark and venomous.

Gon backed away, his mouth feeling as if it were full of cotton. “I’m really sorry! Do you need me to call someone? Are you hurt?”

“It’s fine,” the boy repeated coldly, like a mantra. He picked up his skateboard and ran a hand through his hair, uselessly trying to sort out the tousled strands. Those downcast eyes refused to meet Gon’s gaze. The icy color generated a feeling like he was being pulled into a lake, the myriad shades of blue swirling together to form a whirlpool of apprehension.

 _Say something,_ Gon hissed to himself. But before he could utter a single word, the boy shoved past him to continue on his way, the glowing number following him as he disappeared into the night.

That perfect number ten was gone.

Just like that.

 

* * *

 

“Perfect Ten? You’re going to call him _Perfect Ten?_ ” Kurapika asked the following day. Gon leaned against the wall as the senior pulled his textbooks out of his locker.

“Well I have to call him something,” Gon said. “Honestly I’m sort of interested. What would even put a guy like that at such a high number?”

“ _That’s_ something you shouldn’t even think about,” Kurapika insisted. “Anyone with a number that high is bad news. If serial killers are eight then I don’t even want to think of what he could do.”

“This one is different,” Gon promised.

“How?”

“I just know.”

Kurapika didn’t look satisfied with that answer as he clicked his locker shut. “Did you at least get a good look of him?”

“Well, it was dark,” Gon muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. “But I would recognize him in a heartbeat. He had white hair and it looked soft. Like, _really_ soft. And he had these blue eyes that made him look like he was freaked out if I touched him. He almost fell when he was getting up off the ground but when I tried to help him up he recoiled like a cat—”

“I think you’re missing an important detail here,” Kurapika interrupted.

Gon blinked. “What?”

Kurapika flicked Gon’s forehead, lips pressed into a thin line. “I was asking if you knew what he looked like so you could stay away from him, not so you could go find him. If you can’t hold your own against a six like Hanzo—who almost broke your arm yesterday, if you forgot already—how would you fight someone who is more dangerous than a serial killer?”

“What if I just want to talk to him or meet him? That couldn’t hurt right?” Gon rubbed his head with a small frown. “He might’ve been mad at me for bumping into him on accident but I’m pretty sure he didn’t want to kill me or anything.”

Kurapika shook his head, sighing as he looked up at the clock as students crowded past. “I have to go to class and so do you. We’ll talk about this more later.” He gave a wave as he left for first period. Gon gave a sigh and did the same.

The classroom was warm compared to the winter chill outside. The air had a cinnamon perfume and the room was already mostly full. Taking his seat in the back next to the window, he dropped his backpack against the side of his desk and shouldered his jacket off and onto his chair.

He tried to remember everything he could about Perfect Ten, anything he could possibly recognize: he had a skateboard and distinct blue eyes. They were unlike any other color he’d ever seen. And he had worn a dark blue scarf—surely that helped? His eyes were disarming and electric. He also seemed around the same age and height as Gon but there was something that was different about him. It was something that set him apart from everyone else.

(Obviously it was the number ten that stood at attention above his head in all its glory.)

It was red.

Red like blood.

Red like roses.

Red like danger.

“We have a new student this semester! Be sure to make them feel at home,” the math professor spoke in a warm tone. “Do you care to introduce yourself?”

It was common to have transfers in the middle of the school year right where the fall and spring semester joined. Instead he stared outside, drawing his attention to the frost coating the surface of the grass. He turned his pencil over and over in his hand, thinking of ways

“I’m Killua Zoldyck and I’m new here. I’m not really good at introductions.”

The way his voice was lower and softer around the consonants and wrapping tightly around the vowels… it was familiar.

 _Too_ familiar.

Gon swallowed, looking up to the front of the classroom.

And he stared.

Because…

No, this couldn’t be happening.

Because Perfect Ten was gorgeous.

Because that glaring red number ten still hovered above his head.

Because the anticipation was back in an instant, swallowing Gon whole and consuming him from the inside-out.

Technically he hadn’t gone against what Kurapika said, right? He hadn’t looked for him, he just appeared. He just _happened_ to arrive in class as a new student right? Gon thought back to the night before and realized there was no reason for the boy to be in that neighborhood unless he lived there and probably just transferred.

“Thank you, Killua,” the professor said, fixing his glasses. “We don’t have many empty chairs but the one next to Gon is available.”

His mouth went dry as Perfect Ten’s gaze fixed on him in an instant. His gaze was almost always analytical, as though he was constantly recording everything, taking note of everything said and done in the space around him. Making his way towards the back of the room to sit next to him, he casually leaned his skateboard against his desk and let his backpack slide off his shoulders.  He was wearing a blue scarf tugged up to cover his chin. Loose jeans covered his legs and he wore a charcoal hoodie that was just beginning to fade in color.

Gon couldn’t stop staring. Then he remembered that Perfect Ten probably recognized him from the night before. Perfect Ten probably thought that Gon was weird and didn’t want to talk to him. He would just have to fix that, right?

“H-Hey! So you’re new here right?” Gon said, attempting to break the ice as the teacher began to take attendance. “This school is pretty amazing so you’re probably gonna like it here a lot!”

Killua licked his lips, giving a side-glance to watch him for a moment. “Okay.”

For some reason, that stung. Not because he was being aggressive but his voice was icy and lacked any warmth Gon was used to. Perfect Ten pulled the notebook out of his bag the minute the professor began to lecture, opening it and beginning to take notes.

Why was he even still calling him that? He knew his name now. _Killua Zoldyck._ The words radiated and soothed his blood. Even his name was a perfect ten. And his looks too…

“Are you staring at me?” Killua asked. He talked with the same aura he acted with, Gon realized as he felt taken aback. It was to the point and spontaneous, anticipating the answer that he wanted. There was just an air of overall confidence, really.

“Sorry,” Gon said quickly. “I didn’t really notice.”

“It doesn’t bother me. It’s just heavy and I can feel it.” Killua turned away from him to continue writing out math problems.

A pause.

He had to say something.

“It’s your hair,” Gon blurted suddenly. His mouth forced the words out before his mind could stop them, dropping his gaze from the glaring number ten to Killua himself.

“Is there something wrong with it?” Killua asked, facing him again and running his hand through his hair, tugging on the ends of the strands.

“No way! No, not at all,” Gon assured him. “I’ve just never met somebody with that color of hair.”

“It’s just a different shade of blonde,” Killua said. “It’s natural.”

“It’s weird,” Gon muttered in awe.

Another pause.

“No, it’s not weird!” he backtracked, tripping over his words. “That’s not what I meant at all. It’s not weird, it’s… different, like you said.”

Finally Killua smiled. It was weak and didn’t reach his eyes, but it was there and Gon finally felt like he accomplished something.

“It’s fine, I know you’re joking. I think it’s sorta weird too since I’m the only one who has this hair color out of all my siblings.”

Gon leaned forward a bit with interest. “Wow really? How many do you have?”

Killua paused for a moment as if he was thinking, speaking slowly. “Three brothers and one sister. Two of them are younger and the other two are older.”

Before Gon could comment further, the bell rang that ended first period. Students hurriedly packed up their things as the teacher announced something about homework, the sound of his voice being drowned out by chatter around him.

“I guess I’d better get going. See you later.” Killua said and he was standing up and turning around, and Gon needed to do something, _something_ , he didn’t know why or how or what but he needed to—

“Do you want to hang out later?”

They were hurried words that spilled from his lips without a single thought.

Killua turned around on his heels and looked him up and down as if he was making sure he was actually serious. Gon flashed him his best grin, trying to look inviting as he folded his arms across his chest.

“Where?”

“I don’t know. At lunch? After school?”

Those cat-like eyes narrowed. “Why?”

Gon shrugged. “Because I want to get to know you…?”

For the first time, Killua looked uncomfortable. His fingers drummed on the desk in thought, his gaze distracted.

“I sort of have somewhere to be after school.”

“Oh,” Gon said, biting back disappointment in his tone. “Well that’s okay! Some other time then?”

Killua’s breath caught in his throat. For a second, he faltered. Gon wondered if something was wrong—then it occurred to him that Killua could have still been moving into the neighborhood and adjusting to the new school, that his question may have been awkward. But Killua answered before he delved too far into these thoughts.

“How about you give me your number?”

 _‘That’s fantastic!’_ almost slipped off his tongue but this time Gon was far more careful than before. “Yeah, sure!”

It only took a few moments before he recited the memorized string of numbers and Killua had written them down inside his notebook.

“I’ll message you later then, yeah?” Killua said as he clicked his pen.

“Yeah,” Gon echoed with a smile.

The boy gave a wave as he slipped the backpack over his shoulder and slinked out of the room between classmates with the neon red perfect ten trailing above him like an omen.

 

* * *

 

After class, Gon met up with Kurapika and Hanzo on the amphitheatre to share snacks. They claimed the steps on the very top and Kurapika was interrogating him, chin on palms, elbows on knees. “The new kid huh?”

“Yep. I said we could hang out sometime but he asked for my number instead.” Gon tapped on his chin in thought, a half-eaten apple in his other hand. “Maybe he’s shy?”

“I’ve never heard of the guy,” Hanzo said as he took a bite out of his sandwich. “Anyone with hair like that must be pretty weird.”

“You can’t really talk if you have no hair,” Gon pointed out. Hanzo leaned forward and whacked him on the arm. Hard.

“Ow.”

“At least you found him,” Kurapika sighed. “I’m not big on this whole idea though. I’m a little suspicious that nobody’s ever heard of him. He should have some kind of reputation somewhere.”

Gon shrugged. “Maybe he’s a transfer from another school district.”

Kurapika gave him a knowing look that practically oozed skepticism. It was as if he was trying to say, ‘ _yes, because someone with a number ten wouldn’t have tried to kill someone before.’_

And Gon returned the look with a highly sympathetic _‘give him a chance.’_

Hanzo wiped crumbs off his lips. “Kurapika, you haven’t even met this new kid. Why not just ask him to join the club?”

Gon gave a bright smile. “That’s an amazing idea!”

“That’s a horrible idea,” Kurapika groaned, but Gon’s eyes didn’t take no for an answer. “Don’t look at me like that. We don’t even know if he’s suitable for this type of group.”

 _“Please,”_ Gon begged as he clasped his hands together. “I’ll literally do anything.”

Kurapika’s eyebrows arched. “Anything?”

“Yeah, anything!”

“Wipe down the mats after our next practice and I’ll consider meeting him if you’re this excited. Deal?”

Gon winced. “You know I hate cleaning… but fine. I’ll do it if that’s what you want.”

His phone buzzed in his jacket pocket and he reached inside to check the notifications.

 

 _One_ **_(1)_ ** _new message from:_ **_an unknown contact._ **

**_Unknown:_ ** _It’s me, Killua. I’m just checking to see if this is the right number._

 

From Perfect Ten. He actually messaged.

“You’re smiling so much it’s weird,” Hanzo said as he tore open a bag of Ruffles.

Kurapika gave him an annoyed look. “Do you ever stop eating?”

“I need to maintain muscle density, unlike you,” Hanzo shot back.

Gon was barely listening as he typed back a response.

 

 **_Gon:_ ** _yeah, it’s me gon! let me enter you in my contacts really quick._

 

He inputted the contact name as _“Perfect Ten”_ without hesitation. By the time he’d returned to the texting screen, an ellipsis indicated that Killua was typing.

 

 **_Perfect Ten:_ ** _Cool. Do you mind if I take you up on that offer about hanging out?_

 

Gon’s heart skipped. “He wants to hang out with me!”

Kurapika leaned over Gon’s shoulder to read the screen, eyes scanning across the words. “Maybe I should come with you. Just in case.”

“You act like he’s dangerous or something,” Hanzo said. “Let Gon hang out with someone his age for once. You act like you’re his mother.”

Kurapika’s mouth dropped open. “I do not!”

“You do.” Hanzo replied.

“I don’t!”

“You kinda do,” Gon interrupted, smiling nervously when Kurapika shot him a look. “It’ll be fine, okay? If you really think he’s weird we can hang out in a public place. Like the mall or something.”

“You should ask him when he wants to hang out first,” Kurapika suggested. Gon began to type out his reply.

 

 **_Gon:_ ** _when do you want to hang out?_

 **_Perfect Ten:_ ** _Is tonight okay?_

 **_Gon:_ ** _what time?_

 **_Perfect Ten:_ ** _I don’t know. Eleven?_

 

Gon blinked. “He asked if we could meet up tonight at eleven.”

“What the hell is he, a vampire? It all makes sense now…” Hanzo rubbed his chin. “He’s pale, has weird hair, and is weirdly young.”

“I really doubt it,” Gon frowned, still staring at his phone. “Should I say yes?”

Kurapika gave him that look again, definitely judging. “You can’t be serious. Your aunt wouldn’t even let you stay out that late.”

“Not if I snuck out,” Gon said with an mischievous smile.

“And that’s crazy. Why can’t he just hang out with you tomorrow? That’s Saturday isn’t it?”

“Maybe he’s busy. Not all of us have boring lives,” Gon joked, typing out another response.

 

 **_Gon:_ ** _why so late? lol_

 **_Perfect Ten:_ ** _I’ll be busy til then._

 **_Gon:_ ** _okay!! where do you want to meet tonight??_

 

Kurapika gasped. “Are you crazy? You’re actually going through with it? Did you even hear what I just said?!”

“Yeah, but I can’t just sit back and miss this opportunity,” Gon said. “I swear I’ll have you on speed dial if I need anything. It’ll be fun!”

Kurapika just groaned as he laid back on the concrete steps. “You’re insane, you know that?”

Gon’s phone buzzed in his hands again.

 

 **_Perfect Ten:_ ** _At the school if that’s okay._

 **_Gon:_ ** _yeah that’s fine! i’ll see you there!!_

 

He felt like every fiber of his being was vibrating with anticipation. It was a nervous kind of energy that tingled through him like sparks on the way to the ground, gathering in his toes.

“What’s so great about this guy anyway?” Hanzo asked as he finally reached the bottom of his chip bag.

“I don’t know,” Gon replied, slipping his phone back in his pocket with a small smile. “I just have a feeling he’s special.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Tumblr is @godspeedcomplex or you can [click here](https://godspeedcomplex.tumblr.com) to follow me, ask me any questions, or talk about HxH! I'd like to thank [Aly](https://hunterxblog.tumblr.com) and [Lost](https://proofofhumanity.tumblr.com) for checking the fic for any flaws. 
> 
> ([This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgEDHJ5eUE0) is the song that inspired the fic's title if you're interested.)
> 
> Let me know what you think the comments below and thanks for reading!


	2. a lingering fear

By the time Gon sneaked out his window it was about three quarters past ten. He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel bad about lying by omission. He had told Aunt Mito that he was going to sleep and now he was wrapped up in a jacket and a scarf—yes, he would be lying if he said he hadn’t dug it out of his closet for the occasion—leaving to meet Perfect Ten in the middle of the night. 

Admittedly, he was a little excited. 

Killua was a frustrating and fascinating enigma. He was a mystery that Gon was beginning to find himself impatient to solve. Being a perfect ten was intriguing enough but the way his eyes—those eyes, they were frustratingly pretty—would flit from one spot to the other, cool and calm, it was strange. They were such an odd and alluring shade of blue, something shimmering beneath that he couldn’t quite make out. 

He was hiding something, sure, but what? 

The school was lightly covered in a thin layer of powdered snow when Gon had gotten there. His shoes crunched on frosted grass as he glanced around. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he checked the time. 

_ 11:03 PM. _

Being a few minutes late wouldn’t cost him, right? 

“I was wondering when you were going to show up.” 

Gon quickly looked up to see Killua standing on the roof of one of the school buildings. His hands were in his jacket’s front pockets, his cheeks flushed from the chill of winter air. The bold neon number ten still stood at attention, hovering above his head like a foreboding storm cloud. 

“You could slip and fall!” Gon called out. He wasn’t sure how Killua had gotten up there in the first place, considering there were no ladders or entry points to the roof. It was also slippery and frozen over, so it wasn’t a good idea to even think about standing so nonchalantly on such a dangerous surface. 

“Really?” Killua shrugged, testingly tapping the slippery roof tiles with the toe of his boot. Gon found himself getting second-hand anxiety watching him act so careless. He could die at any moment and Gon could almost envision it: his feet finding a single displacement in the icy edge, Killua’s shocked expression as he would slip and his body would hurl towards the hard concrete. 

Actually, he didn’t want to think about that. 

“Yes,  _ really _ .” 

Killua nodded with hesitance, disappearing as he walked to the other side of the roof. A few moments later he was on the ground floor, probably somehow slinking down. 

“How did you even get up there?” Gon asked when Killua finally approached him. 

“I just climbed the tree near the back and went off the limb. If you make the jump you can get to the roof.” 

Gon blinked. “Isn’t the tree iced over?” 

“Yeah, sure. That’s not weird is it?” 

Maybe Hanzo was right. Maybe Killua Zoldyck was somehow a vampire, because only someone who didn’t care about dying would do something like that. 

“It’s not any less weird than you,” Gon teased. 

“Huh? I’m not strange,” Killua retorted with a playful scowl. “Here, let’s check out the school.” 

Gon couldn’t help the smile that crossed his lips as he followed him. “Weird how you had to meet up this late. How do I know you don’t want to kill me where there’s no witnesses?”

Then, with all traces of amusement drained from his face, Killua faced him. “You don’t.” 

Gon blinked for a moment. 

_ Oh. That’s a joke. _

He couldn’t help the skip in his heartbeat and he laughed nervously. “That was creepy.” 

Just like that, Killua’s poker face crumbled and Gon was breathing again. “People usually can’t tell whether I’m joking or not,” he said with a smile. “You’re pretty good at telling the difference.” 

“You should work in a haunted house or something.” The truth was that he was caught off guard at first and that was probably Kurapika’s fault. 

“I wish,” Killua scoffed. “Scaring people for a living? That’d be cool if I was old enough to get a job.” 

“Do you have any plans for the future?” 

Killua seemed to hesitate for a few moments, contemplating his words. “No, not really. Growing up seems kind of boring.” 

“You don’t want to grow up?” 

“Oh it’s nothing like that. It’s more like there’s no point to life.”

“Is that why you don’t care if you die?” 

Aunt Mito always said that eyes were the window to the soul, and when Killua stopped walking, Gon managed to hold his gaze. His expression was a little shocked with an inkling of wistfulness, while the soft glimmer of his lucid eyes betrayed a type of relief that Gon couldn’t describe. 

“Huh?” 

“You don’t care if you die. That’s why you could stand up there so easily and not care about falling down,” Gon continued. “Am I wrong?” 

A momentary pause. 

“Yeah, you are,” Killua said flatly, beginning to walk again. “I’m just saying that if I do die… well, I would have nothing to lose.” 

“What about your family?” Gon asked as he followed. 

Killua actually laughed at that “They’re… complicated. But enough about me, what are your parents like?” 

Gon wanted him to linger on the topic, maybe talk about how he felt but it seemed like he was shutting out his emotions. He considered for a moment asking him more about his family but something told him that more questions in that direction wouldn’t be welcome. He instead responded with a shrug. “I don’t know. I’ve lived with my Aunt Mito my whole life.” 

“Huh? You don’t know your mom or dad?”

“Nope, and I’m okay with that. Aunt Mito is the best mom I could ever ask for,” Gon said with a smile. “My grandma also lives with us and she makes the best stew ever. Maybe someday you could come over and have some.” 

Killua’s eyebrows arched. “‘Come over’?”

“Yeah! Like stay over at my house,” Gon explained. “Haven’t you ever spent the night at a friend’s place?”

“Ah… no, not really.” Killua rubbed the back of his neck. “I actually haven’t had friends before in general.” 

“What about at your last school?” 

“I haven’t gone to school til now.” 

Gon blinked with confusion. “Did you move here?” 

“No, I’ve always lived in this neighborhood.” 

“Then how come I’ve never seen you outside?”

“My parents liked to keep me inside the house. Why do you think I’m so pale?” he said with a laugh, but it was bitter and forced. It sounded almost painful. 

“So you’ve… never had a friend before?” 

Another pause. More hesitance. 

“No. I haven’t.” 

Gon stared. 

And for once, he couldn’t empathize because he had no idea what stirred beneath Killua’s stoic composure. It was like he was hidden behind a thick wall of ice with irises for shields, eyelashes for swords and thicker hide than he could imagine. The only sign that betrayed anything about him was his glowing perfect ten hovering above his head.

He shouldn’t. 

He really shouldn’t. 

Kurapika would be furious. 

“Then I’ll be your friend.” 

For a second, Killua looked caught off guard: those blue eyes widened (only a bit, but Gon caught the movement) and his lips parted slightly in surprise. 

“Huh?” 

“I’ll be your friend.”

“Why would you want to be my friend…?” The boy’s voice was a little shaky and his lips were turned upwards, like he was ready to break into a nervous smile. It was like he was ready to force another laugh in case it was a joke. 

Except Gon wasn’t joking. “Because I think you’re cool and you deserve a friend.” 

For a second he thought that Killua was going to back off or run, but he swallowed instead. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, of course!” Gon reassured. “Why wouldn’t I want to be your friend?” 

“I don’t know, it seems kind of weird.” Killua said, breaking eye contact and looking down for a moment. “My parents are gonna be pissed if they find out.”

Gon flashed a smile. “They don’t need to know.” 

And for once, Killua smiled back. It was nervous and shy but it was progress.

 

* * *

“Chemistry is stupid,” Hanzo announced the next day. 

Kurapika hushed him. “This is a library. You have to respect the books.”

“I do respect the books, I just hate chemistry,” Hanzo hissed, lowering his head into his textbook to read closely. “I’m good at English, math, even biology which is a science. Who even made chemistry a thing? Stoichiometry sucks.” 

Gon was too distracted to pay attention or even study. He was on his phone, scrolling through social media, absent-mindedly liking photos. Admittedly he was thinking plenty about Killua—but he wouldn’t let that on. 

He was a little nervous since Killua hadn’t texted back after last night. Maybe he’d made him uncomfortable when he asked him to be his friend… but maybe that was false though since he smiled, a  _ genuine  _ smile. He couldn’t really understand why Killua’s parents didn’t want him to have friends but he decided not to ask about that. The new kid was on guard and Gon didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. 

But the more he thought about it, the stranger it all was. Killua had lived in the neighborhood, right next to the school the entire time. Did he stare out his window and watch other kids, or even  _ Gon  _ walk to school? Did he watch the seasons fly by as he was curled up in the isolation of his room? Gon couldn’t even imagine what it’d be like to have no friends and only speak to Aunt Mito all day. She was a wonderful teacher and an amazing “parent” but… 

“Hey Gon, you haven’t talked for a while. Are you okay?” Kurapika asked waving his hand in front of Gon’s face, breaking his eye contact with his phone’s screen. 

“Yeah I’m fine. Just thinking.” 

Hanzo and Kurapika exchanged questionable glances before Kurapika finally spoke again.

“What did that kid do to you?” 

Gon sighed and finally set his phone down. “Could you imagine not having a friend? Like if you’ve never had one your whole life.”

They exchanged glances. Again. 

“I’ve never thought about it but it sounds really lonely. That’s the kind of stuff that fucks people up,” Hanzo said. Kurapika smacked the back of his head. 

“Language!” 

Hanzo groaned and shot him an irritated look. “And you claim you’re not a mom.” 

Gon watched them scowl at each other before interrupting their brewing argument. “Perfect Ten has never had a friend.” 

Kurapika’s eyebrows arched. “Not even at his last school?” 

“He… sort of didn’t have a ‘last school.’ Maybe he was homeschooled or something? He was basically inside a house for his whole life. I don’t know why he finally came to school for his freshman year.” 

Another exchange of glances. 

“What?” Gon said, blinking. “Why are you all looking at each other like that?” 

Hanzo shut his textbook with a clap. “Well… you know how homeschooled kids are. They’re kinda weird.” 

“There’s multiple studies that teenagers who were homeschooled—especially ones who had next to no social interaction with other children their age—are at risk to depression, anxiety, personality disorders, and various other mental illnesses,” Kurapika added. “If he hadn’t had a friend until now then it could… explain a lot of things.” His gestures indicated something in a more general manner but his eyes read _ ‘Perfect Ten.’  _

“Yeah, what Kurapika said,” Hanzo agreed. 

Gon frowned. “But if that’s the case shouldn’t we help him? He could be really depressed or messed up. Especially since his parents are kinda weird…”

“Did he talk about them?”

“He didn’t seem like he wanted to but I picked up a few things. His parents don’t even want him to make friends and he’s not allowed to do a lot of stuff. I’m also guessing that he had to sneak out to meet me instead of asking them if he could hang out with me,” Gon furrowed his eyebrows. “And… I don’t know. It seemed he literally didn’t care about living or dying. I’m pretty sure that’s a bad thing.”

“Maybe Gon’s right,” Hanzo said with a grimace. “If this kid is in trouble we should help him. Not directly obviously, since we can’t do anything about his family. But we could offer him a place at the fight club. It could give him an extra hour away from whatever crazy stuff goes on at home.” 

Kurapika thought for a few moments before speaking slowly, as if he was choosing his words carefully. “At first I was skeptical but he could be dealing with stuff that’s beyond what we know. I’ll keep an eye on him when he joins but I really think we should at least offer a spot.” 

“So you’re finally willing to give him a chance,” Gon said, but he was secretly relieved and he would be ready to bounce with excitement. 

“Yes, but you still have to wipe down the mats next practice. Maybe text him about the fight club,” Kurapika suggested. 

Gon was already on his phone, beginning to type out a text to Killua. 

 

**_Gon:_ ** _ hey!! i was talking to my friends and i was wondering if you wanted to join the fight club? we do plenty of cool things like hang out together after school and stuff. it’s okay if you can’t, but i just thought it would be fun for you to try it out! _

 

He pressed send. 

And he was met with a message back immediately, a bright exclamation point hovering next to his message. 

 

**Perfect Ten:** **_The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected._ **

 

A sudden chill crept under his skin and he knew the hairs on his arms and neck were standing at attention. Was his number blocked? Did something happen? Was Killua okay? Or even worse… did his parents find out that he had snuck out the night before and took away his phone?

He noticed that Kurapika was still watching him expectantly. “Sorry, I’m just lost in thought,” Gon dismissed, trying to draw attention away from him.

Kurapika didn’t believe him.

After all, it was hard to make him believe it when Gon didn’t believe it himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so surprised that this got so much support, love, and attention! I didn't expect people to like an AU this much but here we are. Thank you everyone who left a comment, kudos, or bookmark on the first chapter <3 I swear I'm going someplace with this. It's just pretty slow burn.
> 
> (Also I'm never letting another update slide this long again, I swear)
> 
> My Tumblr is @godspeedcomplex or you can [click here](https://godspeedcomplex.tumblr.com) to follow me, ask me any questions, or talk about HxH <3


	3. shade

Gon didn’t see Killua during class on Monday.

There was a sinking feeling in his chest that he couldn’t avoid. It was always a possibility that Killua might have gotten sick but he had a feeling that it wasn’t the case. However, he caught sight of a familiar mess of white hair bobbing within the throngs of teenagers during lunch, as well as a distinct perfect ten hovering above.

“Hey, aren’t you going to sit with us?” Kurapika asked as he looked up at Gon.

“I’ll be right back,” Gon said, setting his tray of school food down on the table and shifting through the crowds of high schoolers. There was far too little space to squeeze through but he did what he had to.

There must be a reason why none of his calls or texts were getting through, right?

And why hadn’t he come to first period?

“Killua!” Gon had tried to catch his attention but… Killua was walking faster to get away from him, moving past tables of jocks, nerds, and other cliques.

_Why?_

Killua had slipped out and Gon followed him into the empty hallway next to the cafeteria, jogging to catch up with him. “Killua!” he called out more insistently this time.

“What?!”

Killua had finally answered, stopping and turning around so quickly that Gon almost ran into him. His eyes were sharp and angry, completely different from the softness within them just a few days ago.

Gon had so much he wanted to ask. _Why aren’t you answering my texts? Why aren’t you answering my calls? Why aren’t they getting through? I thought we had fun so why are you ignoring me? Or if you’re not ignoring me, why is your phone disconnected? Did you get caught? Do you want me to never speak to you again?_

But instead, he settled on something more simple, something far more important than any of those questions. 

“Are you okay?”

The question was sincere enough to catch even Killua off guard.

“What?” He repeated the word a little softer this time, though Gon wasn’t sure if he asked because he didn’t hear Gon’s question or because he somehow thought it was another joke.

“Are you okay…?”

Killua visibly swallowed. “Yeah,” he said hoarsely.

“It… really doesn’t seem like it,” Gon replied, glancing down at Killua’s hands that were pale and trembling. “You’re shaking.”

“No I’m not,” Killua started, his voice lingering on the edge of a laugh.

Except this wasn’t a joke and Gon was sure it wasn’t.

“You’re not okay, are you?”

“I’m fine!” Killua protested, backing up a little. “My phone was just turned off—”

“Your phone was _disconnected_. All my texts and calls were bounced back. Something went wrong, right?” Gon stepped forward with every step Killua took back. “You weren’t here during first period either—”

The words died on his lips as his eyes fixed on a curling bruise that was wrapping around Killua’s wrist. He hadn’t seen it before, at least not until Killua’s sleeve was riding a little higher on his arm.

“I have to go—”

But Gon reached forward again, his grip firm on Killua’s wrist as he shoved back the sleeve in one swift movement.

And just like that, his blood ran cold.

Killua’s arm was littered with purple welts, and against his ghostly skin they were grotesque. He hadn’t tried to pull away from Gon, nor had he made an attempt to cover them back up. He just stared at the ground as if he was shocked and couldn’t move, unable to meet Gon’s eyes.

“Where did these come from…?” Gon asked, his voice steady.

Killua didn’t reply for a few moments but Gon could see him grit his teeth tightly. Finally, he spoke. “They were from the night we hung out. I slipped on some stupid ice while trying to get up on the roof.”

“You’re lying,” Gon whispered.

“I’m not—”

“You are because I definitely remember not seeing a bruise like this.”

“Well even if they aren’t they’re none of your business,” Killua snapped back, gathering the courage to yank his wrist away from Gon’s grip.

And Gon let him, the sleeve draping back over the bruises to hide them. “It’s not my business but we’re friends. If we’re friends then I care.”

“Why do you want to be my friend?” Killua asked, seemingly frustrated. “You have no idea how horrible of a person I am. I’m a really, really bad person who’s done really, really bad things.”

Gon’s eyes flicked to Killua’s perfect ten for a moment before dropping his gaze back down to watch him. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay, I’m—”

Gon closed the distance between them and clasped Killua’s hands in his own, holding them tightly. Killua’s eyes widened for a moment and Gon could feel his pulse drum a little faster now.

“If I say it’s okay, it means it’s okay.” Gon smiled slightly, squeezing tighter. “Whatever you did isn’t something I’ll judge you for. I think you’re a good person.”

Killua visibly swallowed, unable to keep eye contact. “I don’t know.”

“It’s okay not to know. But I think you’re great.”

“What if I’m not?”

“It doesn’t matter because I think you are.”

And Killua blushed: it was pink, spreading from his cheeks to the tip of his ears. “That’s weird to hear, honestly.”

“Well you better get used to hearing it. You’re pretty cool, after all.” Gon could feel the warmth seeping through to Killua’s cold hands. “Do you want to go back in the cafeteria?”

“You still want me to hang out with you?” Killua asked tentatively.

“I don’t know what you did but right now I don’t care,” Gon said. “I think everyone deserves good things. That includes you too.”

Killua nodded weakly as if he still didn’t completely believe him. “You’re nice. Really nice, actually.” His mouth twisted into a sad smile. “I just… can we sit down for a moment? I do owe you an explanation for everything. I guess I just freaked out for a second because of my arm and stuff.”

Gon nodded, glancing around the hallway and finding one of the benches to sit down in. Killua seated himself down beside him, nervously chewing on his lip. It took him a few moments until he finally spoke.

“My phone was disconnected because my brother broke it.”

“Your brother?” Gon echoed. Killua nodded in response.

“My older brother. It’s actually kind of ironic because it had nothing to do with me sneaking out,” he continued. “He works a night shift so he doesn’t come back until morning, and sometimes he gets pissed because of his clients. But… this time I think he was angrier than he’s ever been. I’ve never seen him this mad.”

“Did he hurt you?” Gon asked carefully.

Killua didn’t speak for a few moments before answering. “Yeah, he did.” Gon saw him tighten his grip on his arm. “Also, I know I didn’t answer this before but I skipped first period because you look at me like _that_ and I knew you’d notice if anything was off. I just didn’t really want to talk about it I guess, so I avoided it and hoped that after a couple days of skipping I would be fine and I wouldn’t have to face you until I was better.”

Gon fell silent for a bit, his eyes lingering on Killua’s sleeve. It was hard to imagine that someone with a perfect ten would seem so human. He fully expected that, at some point, he would be met with the vicious jaws of an animal or something else deliberately cruel or violent.

But… Killua was just Killua, cradling his arm against his chest and unable to meet Gon’s eyes.

“Do you want to go back inside?” Gon asked.

Judging from his quick exhale, Killua seemed relatively relieved to change the subject. “I’m not really hungry anymore, to be honest.”

“You didn’t eat though. Plus I can introduce you to my friends,” he replied with a smile. “They’re gonna love you, I promise.” If Killua’s family was a mess then at least Kurapika could be his mother. He already acted like Gon’s sometimes, after all.

 _“No way,”_ Killua protested but Gon had already hooked his arm around Killua’s and was pulling him back inside.

 

* * *

 

It turned out that Killua was a hit.

More than Gon was with his own friends, in fact, but he harbored no jealousy.

At first Killua stayed quiet, eating a few bites of his lunch at a time while keeping to himself. If it was awkward then Gon couldn’t sense it: after all, he was too busy paying attention to Killua’s sheepish smiles every now and then whenever he was complimented or spoken to. During the first few days he would have to be coaxed to the table because he was so shy, but by the end of the week he was more comfortable and outspoken.

The way he gestured his hands when he spoke was satisfying to watch and made even Kurapika laugh (as stoic as he was). Killua was surprisingly charismatic and seemingly content, and Gon would honestly have it no other way.

“…and he said ‘two?’ like that could possibly be the answer to Professor Satotz’s math problem,” Kurapika scoffed. It was Friday, in the cafeteria as usual, and naturally they were exchanging ridiculous stories from their classes before lunchtime. “Who even gets that? Has this guy ever heard of centimeters? Centimeters cubed?”

“I used to not be able to do mental math, but simple stuff like addition should’ve been something that dude knew.” And Killua was leaning forward, speaking with his elbows propped up on the table and a half-eaten sandwich sitting on his plate.

And over the course of the week Gon had watched him. As extroverted as he was he noticed himself becoming quieter because he couldn’t help but focus mostly on Killua whenever he spoke.

Killua was… interesting. His words, actions, every subtle movement and the way he smiled, the way his lips parted when he stared at Gon. It had been a little over a week since the first time they met and he still couldn’t understand why or how Killua was a perfect ten.

(Not regarding his looks, or his personality, or anything else obviously. He was talking about that glowing number ten, right?)

It was an evolving mystery. Killua was funny, charming, and even outright _soft_ sometimes. When he spoke it was often teasing or shy but nothing evil, nothing terrible, nothing malicious. They were the same age after all and Gon couldn’t imagine any freshman his age being more dangerous than an armed military man.

And with these doubts came theories. Maybe the number ten was a glitch? Maybe it was Gon who was reading it wrong? Or maybe danger was measured on a different scale than he thought?

“You’ve been staring at me for five minutes,” Killua said with an arched brow, his chin was propped up in his palm.

Gon blinked several times before laughing a little nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t even notice. Sorry about that.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m getting pretty used to it actually.” Killua’s mouth twitched and Gon was pretty sure he was fighting back a smile. “My brother has a shift that starts earlier than usual tonight. Do you want to hang out again?”

His heart leapt in his chest. Gon would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about it, but he was originally going to wait until Killua was more comfortable with the group before asking again.

“That would be awesome,” Gon replied, unable to keep the smile off his lips. “Where do you want to go?”

“Well…” Killua chewed on the inside of his cheek. “When I said that my brother has an earlier shift, I kind of meant that he leaves at five in the evening and comes back at five in the morning. It’s a pretty long one this time so… how do you feel about meeting up at the mall?”

“Not the school again?” Gon asked.

“I haven’t been to the mall before and Hanzo was talking about how it’s pretty big and impressive it is,” Killua explained, seemingly a little flustered. “I don’t know. It just seems kind of fun I guess? We can grab dinner, check out some stores… whatever you want.”

“Hm…” Gon pretended to think until Killua pouted at him. “Alright alright. Do you want to meet at the front of the mall? There’s two entrances but one is pretty close to the food court. I’m pretty sure you can find it.”

“I’ll be there, then.” The bell rang and people began to rise from their tables, including Killua. “See you later?”

“See you later,” Gon confirmed, watching as Killua walked away, and the boy casted him a final glance over his shoulder as he exited the building. Gon gave him a final wave—Killua waved back, and it made Gon’s heart painfully flutter, as though his body wasn’t sure how to react when Killua looked at him like that.

 

* * *

 

Gon’s room clearly showed exactly the type of person he was, and he liked it: the walls were a cream color, sprinkled with various posters that mostly consisted of strange Japanese cartoon shows and Marvel superheroes. His desk sat in one corner, littered with stacked comics and manga. A few shelves were pushed against the walls and filled with small stones and shells from his explorations in his younger years.

“I’m actually shocked, so congratulations.” Kurapika was sitting cross-legged Gon’s bed, his textbook wide open. “I was skeptical at first but he’s very sweet. If I didn’t know he was a perfect ten then I would assume he was just a normal kid.”

“Yeah I know.” Gon sighed, scrounging through his closet. He was searching for something to wear and he wasn’t sure why he was having so much trouble picking out an outfit. “I don’t understand… he seems so harmless it was probably a mistake. There’s no way he could be that dangerous.”

“I was beginning to think that but I’m not completely convinced. Your ability never lies, right?”

Gon gave up, pulling a simple black t-shirt from his closet and tossing it over a chair. “So far it hasn’t but I’m beginning to think it has to be wrong this time. He seems completely normal: I mean, at first he was a little shy and didn’t speak much but now he seems good with people.”

Kurapika nodded slowly. “He’s kind of blunt. Honest, but in a snarky way. But even psychopaths can be charming and ‘good with people.’ That’s what my psychology teacher said.”

Gon’s mind drifted back to the events from Monday morning: Killua’s self conscious gaze, his avoidance and his trembling arm—and Gon wondered what could explain the physical pain he felt in his chest. It was a simple ache, the kind that clogged his throat and made a certain protective heat boil his blood.

“He’s not a psychopath,” Gon muttered firmly, pulling his shirt over his head to change into the new one. “And he’s not dangerous either. There’s just no way he’s like that, I can feel it.”

“But didn’t he tell you that he was a bad person who did terrible things?”

Gon grimaced. He hadn’t completely forgotten about that… he just chose to try to ignore it, to avoid it because it would cause doubt to cloud his thoughts.

“Yeah he did. I don’t think it matters in the long run.”

Kurapika scoffed at that. “It doesn’t matter in the long run?”

“That’s right,” he replied stubbornly, combing his fingers through his hair to fix the strands. “No matter how terrible it was, he recognizes it as bad so he won’t do it again. I trust him not to do it again.”

“And what if he killed someone?”

“He didn’t.”

“But what if he did?” Kurapika slammed the textbook cover closed with a sigh. “You’re putting too much trust in someone who you just met a week ago. Now you’re infatuated with him because he’s a perfect ten in more ways than one.”

“I’m not _infatuated_ ,” Gon protested, sliding his closet door open further to search for his favorite dark green hoodie. “I’m just interested. And you’re interested too, you just won’t admit it.”

“I have the common sense to not to completely trust him without considering the possibilities. Meanwhile you’re diving in and assuming that there’s nothing wrong with him. Nobody is an angel, Gon. He seems nice but with a danger level that high—”

“It’s a mistake,” Gon interrupted.

Kurapika continued after shooting him a look. “—he is probably worse than a killer who is a fixed seven or eight. I _want_ to trust him, I do. He seems like a kid who’s really sweet and nice and fun. There’s just something not right.”

The worst part was that Kurapika’s gut feelings were rarely wrong. Gon usually wasn’t one to sense if something was off but Kurapika’s instincts were sharp and honed like a cat’s. He was like an animal who knew if a storm was coming.

Before Gon could reply, a familiar face leaned in through the doorway.

“Do you boys want any snacks? It’s almost dinner time,” Aunt Mito said, tying her hair up into a small ponytail. She was wearing the sweatpants she loved the most after coming home from a long day of work.

“It’s okay Aunt Mito,” Gon replied with a genuine smile. “I’m actually going to go out pretty soon to hang out with a friend.”

“Oh really? Is it fight club stuff?”

“No, it’s one of my classmates from school. We’re just going to the mall to have dinner.”

Mito’s eyebrows raised. “You have a date?”

Gon could hear Kurapika trying to bite back a laugh and he sighed softly in response. “No, he’s just someone I know. He said we could grab some dinner and hang out at the mall. It’s nothing like that.”

“So it’s a _he_ ,” Mito said, a knowing smile playing on her lips. “Just be sure to come home before ten or eleven. That’s when the mall closes right?”

“Yeah sometime like that,” Gon confirmed. “Kurapika is going to drive so don’t worry about needing to take me.”

“You got your driver's license?” Mito asked, looking past Gon to give a thumbs-up to Kurapika. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks ma’am,” Kurapika said sheepishly. “I try my best.”

“I bet that you do! Remember that if you want a bite to eat, our fridge and cabinets are always open,” Mito said, waving to them both as she continued on her way down the hallway.

“Your aunt is the best,” Kurapika sighed when she left. “You’re pretty lucky.”

Gon smiled as he sat on the bed next to Kurapika, leaning over to tie his shoes. “She’s so amazing that she’s better than my mom and dad combined.”

“Have you heard from them?”

He shook his head. “No, not for a while. After Aunt Mito got custody of me I never really wanted to find out who they were. It would feel like betraying her, you know? She’s done so much that I don’t think anyone can ever replace her.” Gon stood up and slid his hands into his pockets. “You ready to go?”

Kurapika nodded in understanding, hopping off the bed and stretching his legs. “Yeah. But at least think about what I said, okay? I think it’s important and it’s possible that we might not know who or what we’re dealing with.”

He didn’t want to. Maybe it was denial, but he truly thought that Killua was exactly who he said he was. Gon believed that Killua was normal, that the perfect ten that floated above his head was an error. Even if it wasn’t, maybe there was a chance that they could be friends no matter what he did to make his number that high in the first place.

“I’ll think about it.” Gon tasted the lie as it passed his lips and he wished he could feel regret for his naivety.

But he didn’t.

He didn’t think he ever would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for the last chapter being relatively short, here’s one that’s a little longer. Again, thank you for all the support, it’s amazing! I actually can’t even believe that we were only two chapters in and we already have 1k hits?? That’s insane!
> 
> If you haven't followed me yet, my Tumblr is @godspeedcomplex or you can [click here](https://godspeedcomplex.tumblr.com)! Ask me any questions, talk to me about stuff, I don't mind <3 I also accept prompts every now and then :P


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